A mishmash of negatives.  Milwaukee Zoo, August 1974;  a log cabin in northern Wisconsin, July 1972;  a few negatives of my sister’s birthday, May 1972?;  photographs from my wedding, May 1977; miscellaneous Muscatine photographs, July 1971?;  first photographs of Janet October 1974;  Denmark July 1973;  and more!  ~

Sometime in 1979 I had access to a darkroom for the first time in a year and a half.  Among the accumulated photographic chores was compiling my contact sheets.  I had been diligent in making contact sheets as I went along, usually, but not always.  Some negatives weren’t in negative sleeves attached to the back of the contact sheets, but were instead just in envelopes.  I made contact sheets from these envelopes.  Sometimes the contact sheet would have negatives from a variety of filmstrips.  Contact sheet #10 for example.

There are some of my first photographs of Janet, at 19 years old.  She was shy and camera shy.  She was a very pretty woman who was uncomfortable with the attention that her beauty brought her.  She was learning how to be her own person, away from her parents.  Learning how to be an adult rather than a teenager.  Few knew how extremely shy she was, so she could come off as cold and distant.  Much of our relationship was working on her self-confidence and ease with others.  She was afraid of being left.  I tried to prove to her that no matter what, I would be there for her.  It was a long haul of self-discovery.  Then when she didn’t need me, she didn’t need me.

The long haul of self-discovery indeed.  It took me about a decade to realize that some forms of shyness (if not all?) are a form of narcissism.  That realization has helped me get over my occasional shyness.  When I feel shy I recognize that it isn’t all about me and that the ‘other’ pretty certainly doesn’t much care.

This contact sheet has one of my favorite photographs of my father and sister.  Dad was not a cuddly person.  This and the birthday photograph may be the only pictures I have of him embracing someone.  In the adjacent photograph of Dad with Pam the dachshund, Dad has stuck a leaf in Pam’s collar to aggravate her.  Dad enjoyed the dog joke.  Pam tolerated him.